Ipak su Crnogorci najveći prijenosnici ptičje gripe. Sve sokol do sokola.
Pita Mujo Hasu:"Kakvo to sranje od koda. Protected, Public, Private, Interface, Extends, Final, Abstract, šta je to?"
Haso odgovara:“oop-s I did it again”.
Nemam pojma koliko je aktualan, meni je odličan:
Mujo se sprijatelji sa jednim Japancem u Sarajevu. Kaže mu Japanac:
- Hajde da ja tebi pokažem nešto japansko.
Mujo pristane, Japanac vrisnu i pukne Muju šakom u nos. Ovaj pade i upita: - A šta je to?
- To mi u Japanu zovemo karate. Hoćeš da ti pokažem još jednu japansku stvar?
Mujo pristane i ovaj put ga japanac pukne nogom u lice. Mujo: - A što je to?
- E to ti je je japanski tekvando.
- Ma bili ti da ja tebi pokažem nešto japanski?
Japanac su čudi što bi to Mujo mogao znati japanski i pristane. Mujo uze jednu šipku i izudara japanca. Japanac: - A što je tu bilo japanski?
- To ti je bio auspuh od Toyote.
Osnove OOP.
Klasa, “Pijančevanje”:
Opis funkcija:
Draga, pa popio sam samo jednu pivu.
Auto mi se pokvario nisam mogao stići prije.
Znaš njega, naljuti se kad čovjek odbije popiti s njim.
Zvali su rundu jednu za drugom, nisam želio ispasti seronja.
Mislim da su kolači bili pokvareni.
Polymorphism
Zvala sam Jozinu, Perinu i Ivanovu ženu i svi tu došli narezani, a ti mi tvrdiš da nisi naroljan.
Ali draga pa nisu svi muškarci isti. Oni kad čuju:“Šta ćete popit?”. Odgavaraju pivo. A kad mene pitaju “Šta ćete popit?”. Ja odgovoram “Sok od naranče, ocjeđen.”
Decoupling
Šta sereš nazvala sam Jozu i rekao mi je da je večeras bio na zabavi a ti si mi rekao da si vozio od Velike Gorice i da ti je na pola puta auto crko.
Ali draga nisam rekao da sam bio s Jozom, rekao sam da sam bio sa prijateljem.
Encapsulation
Halo Jozo, kako stojimo?
Pero je stavio private na “jednu pivu”.
Na “kolače” sam stavio private ja.
“Znaš njega” je iskoristio Ivan.
E, “pokvareni auto” je public, pozovi se na njega.
Inheritance
Šta si rekao?
Mffhhh.
Šta?
Mffhhh.
Opet si došao pijan?
jel si COH ovaj vikend?
Koji vikend, je**te.
Rasturam po cijeli tjedan.
Ali pokušavam da ne pretjeram.
Znaš susede, uvijek muljaju:“Ovaj mali stalno na COH”.
A ja si mislim: “Pa ote štrikat, pa moram malo COH zapaliti”.
“A šta ćeš stare dame, di su one bile dok je mejl bio mejl a ne pošta”.
COH - club obažavatelja hmelja.
Sreli se Amerikanac, Englez i Mujo. Kaže Amer: Ja sam biznismen. Englez na to: Ja sam đentlmen. A mujo: Ja sam, bolan, nepismen.
Dobar. :doki:
Sjedi Mujo ispred jednog izloga u centru zagreba, oko vrata objesio natpis SRPSKI RATNI INVALID i skuplja dobrovoljne priloge. Par koraka do njega sjedi Haso, oko vrata objesio natpis HRVATSKI RATNI INVALID i također skuplja dobrovoljne priloge…
Naravno, kako su ljudi prolazili Muju nisu ni gledali, al su zato redovito ubacivali Hasi u kesu.
Promatra to sa strane jedna bakica, pa nakon nekog vremena priđe Muji i kaže mu:
“Sinko, u Zagrebu ćeš s ovakvim natpisom slabo zaraditi!”
Nakon što se bakica udaljila, okrene se Mujo prema Hasi i kaže: “Ona bi nas marketingu učila, a?!” :zub:
21 Economic Models explained with Cows :
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy…
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive
Daymo
Thomas Dayman
FLGOFF
ACO 3CRU
EASTROC Chief Fire Warden
RAAF Williamtown
Ph: x86331
Mob: 0407799668
Jedna ljudska stanica sadrži oko 75MB genetskih informacija unutar DNK. Jedan spermatozoid sadrži polovicu genetskih informacija, što će reći oko 37.5MB.
U jednom mililitru sperme nalazi se oko 100 milijuna spermatozoida. Prosječna ejakulacija muškarca traje 5 sekundi i sadrži oko 2.25ml sperme. Iz svega navedenog slijedi da propusna sposobnost muškog spolnog organa iznosi:
(37.5MB x 100 000 000 x 2.25) = 8 437 500 000 MB unutar 5 sekundi
Ako taj broj podijelimo s 5, dobit ćemo koliko MB prođe u jednoj sekundi:
8 437 500 000 / 5 = 1 687 500 000 MB/s
Ako je 1024B = 1KB, tada to znači da u jednoj sekundi prođe 1609,33TB.
Dobijemo, znači, da ženska jajna stanica izdržava DDoS napad od više od tisuću i pol terabajta u sekundi i pri tom propušta samo jedan, izabrani paket informacija.
Po tome se može zaključiti da je jajna stanica neusporedivo najbolji hardverski firewall koji postoji na Zemlji!
Problem je što jedan izbrani paket informacija koji taj Firewall propusti blokira cijeli sustav na 9 mjeseci!
[quote=“neki_frajer”]21 Economic Models explained with Cows :
[/quote]
A CROATIAN CORPORATION
You buy two cows on leasing.
You employ three people (never women) to milk them, clean them, feed them, make them happy etc. for period of 6 months.
Two men are 56 y.o., but you pay them as students.
Third man is ‘in training’ and is paying you to milk, clean, feed and play with the cows.
You reemploy them every 6 months and do it for three years.
Then you fire them and employ 3 new suckers.
After you own the cows, you buy two more cows on leasing.
You employ 1 more ‘student’ and 2 more ‘rookies’.
You redo every step until you build a cow farm bigger then the capital city.
Then you sell the farm to a foreign investor and fire everyone.
You retire on the money you saved on tax scams and selling of the farm.
http://www.radio101.hr/
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Dodje curica doma iz skole pa kaze tati…
Tata, tata, dali je istina da internet zaglupljuje !?!?
Tata: FFS, WTF, LMFAO
[SIZE=“1”]sry ak je bilo :)[/size]